Moms Talk: The Birds and the Bees

Each week in Moms Talk, our community of readers like you take questions, give advice and share solutions. Moms, dads, grandparents and the families who make up our community have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with this week's question. Provide answers below in the Comments box, and submit your own questions to me directly at jimw@patch.com.

Q: My third grader recently saw a pregnant woman walk by and asked me where babies come from. Is it too soon to have "the talk" about the birds and the bees?

According to a Pediatrics journal study recently cited by Time, 40 percent of adolescents surveyed had sex before talking to their parents about birth control or sexually transmitted diseases. Then, of course, there are our younger kids –we’re talking ages 5 to 8 – who who want to know where babies come from before they figure out Santa Claus isn’t real.

Starting the conversation

Where to begin exactly? Well, the next time your kids pose one of those difficult questions (“But how did the baby get in there?”), stay calm. Planned Parenthood lays out four steps to get through, and they're pretty straightforward and easy to follow.

1. Validate, and get some information. Tell your child, "That's a great question. How come you're asking today?" This reassures your child that she's not weird or strange for asking, and it gives you a chance to find out what prompted the question – that is, if she saw or heard something.

2. Dig a little deeper. Ask, "What do you think the answer is?" This is a chance to get inside your child's head a bit and see how much she already knows.

3. Give an honest answer. Your answer can and should be in keeping with your values. For example, it's fine to talk about pregnancy as something that happens within a marriage if that's your belief. But you will need to be ready for follow up questions if your child has been exposed to another reality.

4. Make sure your child understands. You can say, "Does that answer your question?" or "Do you have any more questions?"

Use teachable moments

Again, Planned Parenthood is a great resource, and they share the following.

Once you feel ready to tackle the talk with your child, you may find that she suddenly stops asking questions. In that case, you can initiate the conversation via a teachable moment.

Teachable moments happen all the time. You're watching TV and two characters kiss. A friend or family member is pregnant. Your child sings a song lyric you know she doesn't understand. As before, keep your cool, and open the discussion.

"What do you think about that?" "What do you think that means?" "How did that make you feel?"

Just remember, the conversation about where babies come from is a lot easier than the conversation that starts with, "Mom, I'm pregnant." Talking to your kids today can open up the lines of communication you'll need in the future.

Resources

Planned Parenthood has a video on YouTube that can guide you along the path to the “sex talk.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8fiP3yuBEM  

Visit this website for some suggestions on talking about sex with your kids: http://www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/