Health & Fitness
All That We Can Handle and More
As Marcus and I face the end of his chemo treatment we can truly see the ebbs and flows of life. We were challenged beyond words in 2013. I stood by his side advocating in finding every treatment available that would help him physically, emotionally and spiritually. The resources and connections from friends and professionals in the Bay Area has been phenomenal and we are fortunate to live here. Now, however, after the last round of treatment, the side effects begin.
We have blossomed in the past few months. Marcus and I both had a wonderful session with our therapist who taught us both the importance of rest and being present. She reminded us that we only get in trouble in our heads when we live in the past or live in the future. When we are present there is only here and now. I am reminded that this is our Dharma.
We are movers and shakers who are always in the midst of another adventure. Time has slowed and we have enjoyed the moments of being present, reconnecting as humans. We have also struggled with this slowness, each side effect and each shortcoming presented. We are witnessing the power of the universe to present signs of life and know that Marcus is beating this. One of my fellow teachers stated that the universe only presents to you what you can handle. I humbly thank the universe for making us stronger as a unit, for presenting clearly what is important in life so we grow together moving through each ebb and flow of life to move with ease even through what feels weighted down.
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As we move into 2014 we were surprised with a blessing. Before Marcus was first diagnosed we both had been discussing having another child. We were told we needed to bank Marcus' sperm since chemotherapy can cause sterility and it was not recommended to get impregnated post chemo treatment. Since his first diagnosis was grim, and we were told he had a year to live, Marcus and I had an in depth conversation about whether I still wanted to have another child with the unknown fate of the treatment's success. I confidently made a decision that with the joy Sebastien had brought into our lives, it was important for us to keep living in every respect. Marcus and I had earlier decided we wanted another child and we had to continue to follow our dreams. I admit my confidence wavered and I had doubts at first. Thanks to a few close friends who looked at me and reminded me that I could do anything in this world, my mind stopped churning with doubt.
On Saturday, January 11, only a few days after Marcus’ last chemotherapy treatment, we had a sonogram. We received the news of a double blessing: fraternal twin girls growing healthily within me. As a family we feel blessed and see the moment of awareness as a sign that Marcus’ chemotherapy treatment is successful, that he would live a long life to see his children grow up, to nurture them and to be their Papa on this earth.
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The universe is mysterious and I ponder what lessons it is trying to teach us. I have a knowing that the universe has handed me -- and us -- what we can handle to deepen our lives, enrich us and to allow us to grow even when life feels like a struggle. It made me wonder about t the meaning of the number three, and I found that the trinity is a symbol of the unity of body, mind and spirit. My dharma and spiritual path is to continue to transform in unity of body, mind and spirit. To notice, listen and then to share so others may also gain some insight into this way of living with mindfulness, awareness and spirit.
Thank you to everyone for lifting the weight off of our shoulders, for every 'like', reply and comment on facebook cheering Marcus along. Your strength shows the interconnectedness of all things. Many of you have been dealing with your own struggles, some the same, and I can see how Marcus has evolved in wanting to give more, love more and be more selfless.
