This came in from one of you guy fans out there. It’s been re-written to protect all parties involved, but the message was not changed. Basically what we have here is a married man telling the world why he chooses to visit professional women at massage parlors, and why he thinks this is a good solution for everyone involved (himself, his wife and family, the massage parlor workers, and his community).
The author is a little unusual in some ways (I do know him personally) but none of that showed up in his story. Honestly when I read it (and guided the rewrite) it fit well to most of the men I have known over the years. Feel free to comment – he will be reading the responses.
Why I Don’t Love Professionals (but pay them well)
I’ve been married twice, and have learned a lot about life over my 55 years. The first 20 were growing up years. Traditional American style upbringing. I went to school, tried pot, drank beer, and kissed girls. I was not the most popular guy at school but not disliked either. I was a jock, but not remarkable. I was smart enough, but not one for science fairs or math competitions. I spoke wel enough and liked to write, but was not a poet nor a debater. Would anyone remember me at a high school reunion? Sure… the few girls I explored sex with, a handful of guys I hung out with, and some teachers who knew that I knew there was more to life than crayons, book reports, and SAT tests.
I got married in my twenties. I had been with 4 girls before my first wife, only one seriously, and that one was in my first year of college (so how serious could that have been?). I had never been in love. I didn’t know what love was. I believed my first wife loved me, and I agreed to “take the next step” and get married.
Eight years later we both wanted different lives. We had not had any kids and both had changed a lot. She wanted to be someone different than my wife and I wanted to see more of life without a wife and family. I learned a lot from that time in my first marriage. I learned I could do whatever I wanted if I tried. I didn’t know that before, when I was only 24 years old. I also learned that being with a partner was not a biological union. Even married, you are two separate human beings with different biology. No matter how much together you think you are, when it comes down to life and death decisions or other situations where you are challenged to recognize your mortality, you will view yourself as separate from your mate. We got divorced.
In my early thirties I fell in love for the first time. She was already married, and we did not have a physical relationship. I was completely in love, though. She was committed to her marriage and not interested in fooling around with what was important to her. She did love me back. She was a beautiful person. I still hope she’s happy and her husband appreciates what he has. I moved away to puruse other experiences, since I could not have her and now knew what love was like.
My experience falling in love with her changed my outlook on every relationship I ever had before and since. I now understood my first marriage. I understood my happiness as a single man, and the loneliness I experienced while single but also while married. I understood some other people’s happiness. My life changed.
I fell in love again when I was in my late thirties. My outlook was very different, and I was willing to accept many things I would not have accepted before. My new wife was herself married once before, and had a child. We were good together. She provided most of what I needed, and I tried to provide what she needed. Mostly, she just enjoyed being in love with me and I felt whole being with her. I had learned to give, and giving is very important. The more I gave the less I needed from her, and the happier she was the more she could live life well without stresses. We have enjoyed ups and downs… some health issues, some trouble with her only daughter. We suffered a period where she found religion and it almost pulled the family apart. Eventually she educated herself more, and learned more about how the world works in that regard, and she is now more humanist than religious. We also suffered through a few times where men were chasing after her, and her eyes were open to theidea that there was so much more to expolore in the sexual/sensual world (beyond me). She struggled with that, but managed to contol herself enough that we are still together and we are happy.
But my biggest challenge has been other women.
Let me say Missy I am not a luster. I like beautiful women and I appreciate hot sensuality but I don’t need to act out on my desires with other women. I am very attracted to my wife, and she has a very flexible appearance and personality. She has a way of being what I need. I have had my half-dozen or so sexual partners over the years, from high school fooling around through some college drunk sex, my first marriage, and the single-again dating meat market of my thirties. But there is no way to protect against the aggressive open sexuality of today’s divorced society.
I had one affair while married, and my wife had two that I experienced. The psychological impact was far more damaging than the physical. The doubts… the questions about trust and honesty were terrible. The fact that someone was banging my wife was really secondary to the trust issues. Once I dealt with that the first time, I could not believe her with most things she managed with me. How could I. If she had just admitted that she was screwing the guy, we could have gotten past it by dealing with it and the consequences. And when it was my activity, the same thing happened. If I was screwing some available partner behindmy wife’s back, she wanted to deal with it openly. Why? When did I have such freedom? How could I justify it? Was I protcting her and my family? All of the issues that matter, beyond the false topic of love and sexual attraction. Once you’re grown up, it’s no mystery that anyone can fuck anyone, given a few minutes of privacy and a drink or two. What really matters is truth and consequences.
I will now explore that from my male perspective, dealing with today’s available women. Hopefully I will show why I am happy to pay a professional for sex, for everyone’s sake.
Available women today are dangerous. For me, at age 55, they are either the same age, slightly older, very young, or ten years younger. Each group seems to have its perspective, and almost none of it is healthy for me.
Young girls seem to love to fuck older guys like me. They see us as non-threats and opportunities. We are easy prey for their youthful bait, and we usually have plenty of financial resources to share with them. But those same young girls are exploitive. They see me as an opportunity to trick me into something they can cash out of later, since any affair was my fault and I can pay. I have everything to lose, and they have nothing to lose.
In short, playing with a twenty something young lady is playing with fire. She is looking at opportunities to exploit everyone involved… threaten to break up my marriage, threaten to harass my wife, or threaten to drain my bank account. I have even heard stories of young women bringing aggressive males into the picture to help exploit the older guys. Very dangerous to everyone, for the thrill of a false relationship.
Older women are equally aggressive but seem to be after companionship. They will give up sex but only as a hook. They are often not really interested in sex, but are willing to use it to get what they want. They are also haters. They seem to have resentments towards others, such that they, too are dangerous to anyone with a family. Why mess around with fire? Why take on risk with a personality that is bent on revenge and disruption if they can’t have what they want? Again realize I am talking about affairs.. not lying but admitting I am married and in need of extra-marital activities.
Women my age are still holding out promise for a long term relationship, but are also desperate enough to fool themselves into denial. No matter how clear I make it that I am married and intend to stay that way, they see opportunity to be the one true love that changes my mind. Again… very dangerous to all parties involved. I am amazed at how far some women in their fifties will compromise their own principles to fit the opportunity at hand. A bird in the hand is apparently better than nothing, even if you don’t like birds.
The rest of the women that come to me looking for a fling come with equally fearsome qualities. Many are walking head cases. Some have been jilted a few times, and ar enow ready to let it all go and just go with the wind to see what happens. You have to wonder, where have they been? Who have they been with, in the name of sexual freedom? Do I want to share that?
Some are seriously damaged emotionally, looking carefully for a savior. Someone who passes the test.. is not a scumbag, is to be grabbed and secured! Seriously… is it that bad? I don’t know. I have never intentionally harmed a woman but clearly many women have been victimized.
Now let me say why I am happy to pay my professional women. First, I am clearly looking for intimacy and sex. I also want a relationship, but not one that changes my “real life”. I go for sex and intimacy when I need it and can’t manage without it. When my wife is unavailable or intimacy with her is not possible (for whatever reason). I can’t always function on my own, without some of that sexual intimacy. Women seem to be able to function just fine, even if they really want it.
I also need the relationship. Just as a woman might “need” her woman friends, I need a friendship in my heart with another woman aside from my wife. I give a lot for my wife, and view her differently than a woman with whom I am a friend (or sexual friend). I don’t give to my professional women friends, except for cash. That is part of the deal. I don’t need to give… just take. She accepts cash in place of such emotional giving.
I go to professional houses (brothels, massage parlors, tanning salons) to find these professional women willing to take cash for an intimate sexual relationship. I trade $200 for an hour of one on one sexual intimacy and personal conversation. It’s not always small talk. I often have deep conversations about relationships with my professional women. They have unique perspectives.
Because I employ these women, I enjoy making new friends, having sexual flings, and even grow emotionally from “breaking up” without the risks of crazy stalkers, threats of extortion, or risks of diseases. I have met women from all around the world, and learned how they live in this world. I have enjoyed the bodies of women from a few dozen nationalities from African to Eauropean and Asian. I have learned about some of their customs, including food, language, and sex. I have avoided most of the risk of having an affair, because of the fact that my patronizing a prostitute is less damaging to my trust relationships than “falling in love” with a free and available women in the community. I hope I never have to explain my activities, but if I did I can honestly report that I was never in love, never at risk beyond what was visible to me, and driven not by intimacy but physical urges.
In fact the biggest risk to society that these professional women present is the risk of my getting caught in some political raid or other exploitive abuse by the very society claiming to be protecting itself. If a man is caught with a prostitute he is put up on display and mocked for his failings. Others abuse him to make themselves feel better. The truth is, except for that risk of incurring the wrath of the ignorant masses, society is better off if men who need it get it from professionals.